*Or “Yes, We Have No Bandanas”  

Oh, meu Deus, there’s so much I didn’t like about this film….. the background music using cheesy  portuñol lyrics (don’t they think anyone in India will notice, never mind the overseas masses?), the overwaxed physiques of Hrithik and Uday (this, after Yuva, must be the second film where AB 2.0 insisted on keeping his hair,  and thank Heavens he did),

the inability of anyone shooting a rifle to  hit or even come near their target, Aishwarya’s character speaking of herself only in the third person, the ubiquitous pastel-colored bandanas on Uday,

and the product placement.  

In the 90 minutes before the Interval, I counted ten: (1) the Sony screen in the police briefing room, (2) the Sony VAIO laptop Hrithik uses in Bombay, (3) a Coca Cola can on a desk, (4) the BURP! truck for the stakeout, (5) Sony monitors in the security   room, (6) jewels of the Taj (hotels), (7) Winch 6000, (8) Cinemax cinemas,  (9) Cars, the animated film, and (10) Sugar Free Natura.   And  I’m sure I’ve missed a few.

All that said, I still thought it was quite  a fun ride, and I liked it as much as, if not more than, the original.   For a two and a half-hour film, it actually flows along at  a brisk pace, and this from someone who has very little patience for action sequences and chase scenes in Hindi movies.

AB  o filho is back as Jai Dixit, the motorcycle-riding cop, and Uday Chopra returns as the goofy sidekick thief-turned-cop Ali.   Rimii Sen is also again inhabiting the  supporting role as Sweety, the now very-pregnant wife of Jai.   Then there’s the new folks.   Hrithik plays the master thief that Jai is pursuing, along with Bipasha Basu,  a fellow cop, and Ashwarrior Rye is the light-eyed partner-in-crime to Hrithik.   (Sound of record being scratched by needle)   Hang on, when did Rimi get the extra ” i ” in her name ???

Jai’s entrance, just as Ali’s about to be done in by some goondas, was quite cool: like Shamu at Sea World, he shoots  - vertically – out of the darkness of the sea riding a jetski and lands on the deck of a large boat.   Later, during Shonali Bose’s (Bips) presentation on the super talented criminal only known as ” A “, Jai does some supercomputing numerology in his head and figures out that the green-eyed chor is heading to Bombay for his next job.   After some more chases and the steamy establishment of Ash’s character, the action heads off to the Cidade Maravilhosa, Rio de Janeiro, as cop chases thief and the themes of love and trust and pairing off with someone special are all covered.

Bips does a double turn as a carioca twin sister – Monali Bose – who has lived in Brazil for many years.   This allows the director to show her striding around the beach toting a surfboard and playing volleyball, all in a bikini that looks overly modest compared to what really passes for a swimming costume on Copacabana’s beaches (original home of the  filo dental thong).   Ali is smitten with the free-spirited babe who hugs at the drop of   hat, and immediately does what he always does: picture himself and Monali married with kids.

No point in going over any more of the plot.   It’s a caper movie, so you can imagine what ensues.

Visually, the film is a treat, though it seemed to me that there’s a strong leaning – when it came to the male leads – toward a certain homoerotic aesthetic, which is not really my cup of tea.   Not to say that I’m keen on unibrows, but some body hair on a guy, please!      

And I had to laugh, at the nightclub where Hrithik does his dancing entrance, at  the greatly oversized screws hanging from the ceiling.   What is the name of this club anyway?   Piledriver?

Jokes aside, Hrithik and Ash appeared, to me, to generate more chemistry on screen than the alleged World’s Most Beautiful Woman has done so far with her not-so-secret boyfriend.   Maybe it’s because they share similar light eyes and the same highlights,

but after  that somwhat dramatic scene the morning  of the heist,  when Hrithik actually full-on, lip-to-lip kisses the Ice Princess, I thought it was quite tingly really, and I thought it quite a remarkable feat.    Unlike the few other onscreen  filmi kisses that I’ve seen before, which had about as much va-va-va-voom as  a flu shot (I guess the actors are afraid to be labeled lascivious degenerates  if they look like they’re enjoying it too much), this one looked  authentic, and made so much more sense in that moment of the story, than if Ash had demurely looked down and  coyly turned her head, allowing  Hrithik’s lips to collide with her cheek.

The movie really belongs to the duo, as all Abhishek gets to do is scowl and be strong and silent, Bipasha looks stunning but doesn’t do much more, while  Uday seems to be trying out for a slot as  a new member of Siegfried and Roy.

The dance numbers are all pretty, and everyone looks tight and buff and shiny, though AB 2.0 barely dances at all, Hrithik is on a tight rein and not allowed to do anything much that would show off his ability, and the final number, set in Rio, has a plastic, antiseptic quality that’s the antithesis of the  sweaty sensuality of Brazil’s beautiful city.

Oh yes, the stunts are pretty slick too.

See it or sip it?

See it, if you’re looking for what I call a  ”Sunday afternoon” movie, that is, one that’s not too heavy or depressing and is an enjoyable way to spend  a few hours before returning to the office on Monday.

The bad news – for me – was that Art Malik has  only a supporting role in this film, so he’s not  on screen enough.   (And it’s already been established that he does not don a kilt.)   Then again, the title is Nina’s Heavenly Delights, not Raj’s.

The good news for all of us is Nina’s Heavenly Delights gives us  a chance to see a cross-section of the Indian  diaspora (Scots desi !) not portrayed onscreen before, as far as I know.   In fact, the only desi in the UK with any Scottish roots that I’ve encountered before is  Raj Dhanda on the BBC Asian Network’s Film Cafe.

This first full-length feature – or, self-proclaimed urban fairytale – directed and produced by Pratibha Parmar is set in Glasgow and shows Nina Shah (Shelley Conn), the rebel child in the family, returning late for her father’s funeral.   It’s her first time back in three years, after she bolted and left her groom-to-be at the altar.   Her father was the owner and chef of The New Taj restaurant, which he left deep in  debt and is now about to be sold.  

Nina learned to cook at her  father’s knee, and twice in the past they  won the Best in the West  curry  competition.  

Before allowing her family (mother, brother, and sister) to throw in the towel, she convinces them to hold off selling the restaurant until she can compete in  the upcoming Best in the West competition one more time, and try for the  hat trick  her late Dad always dreamed of winning.  

As the story progresses towards the final cook-off (televised on the local Korma TV channel and hosted by a lively British Asian man in a kilt), there is much cooking, eating and talk of love and following your heart in between.  

Bobby and his bevvy of hunky Scots and Asian dancers prepare to try-out for the casting of the film Love in a Wet Climate, hurtling around town in his fabulously, colorfully illustrated van.   Nina realizes awakening feelings toward Lisa, who seems permanently joined at the hip to her brother, and who Nina  assumes is involved with him.

Concerned about causing her family any more grief, after having already abandoned  a groom, Nina tries to tamp down any stirrings she has, and bumping into the object of her affections while cooking makes that more and more difficult.   In fact, every Shah has secrets they’re keeping in order to spare family members’ feelings.  

(Oh, and did I mention Nina’s teenage sister who loves highland dancing?)

Shelley Conn is delicious as  Nina and has a glow about her that suits the sensuality of the film well.   Ronny Jhutti’s Bobbi is such an engaging  character on screen (as well as smart, sassy and  supportive), that I would love to see a movie  centred around him and his story.   Same too for the understated Veena Sood as Nina’s mother.   If there were a good vehicle for a story centred around a woman in her 40s, she would hold my interest for 90 minutes or more.   As written for Parmar’s film, she is a nuanced woman who steers clear of the Sexy Aunty and Rhona Dhona, Hai-Hai-What-Did-I-Do-in-My-Past-Life Maa roles that woman are often squeezed into in  other movies.

Even way up in grey and damp Glasgow, Bollywood’s emphasis is  felt.   Nina’s mother watches Mughal-e-Azam as the very fitting “Pyar Kiya to Darna Kiya” plays, Bobbi frolics to “Ina Mina Dika” in his video shop before an equally rapt audience of desi and non-desi toddlers, and there’s a big musical finale set to “Aap jaisa koi”.

See it or skip it?

See it.   This is a perfect date movie, but be sure to have a favorite Indian restaurant in mind for dinner afterward, for, just as with Moonstruck, you’ll exit the theater  ravenous for a meal like you’ve just seen prepared onscreen.

It’s sweet to see a film potray familial and community (Asian or otherwise) reaction to gay characters and interracial relationships so lovingly.    

This film was screened Friday, November 3rd 2006 at the Indo-American Arts Council’s sixth film festival.

This Canadian short film shows the lengths that Pria (Natasha Chandel), a 15-year-old  South Asian  girl goes to in an  effort to lose her accent, mainly by mimicking lines from favorite movies.   She does this because she fancies a boy she sees every week at a local coffee shop, and she’s convinced he’ll run away if he hears how she speaks.

But she may  be in for a suprise…  

Funniest line from the movie, son replies to father who wonders what the daughter is up to: “She wants to talk like a man.”

You can see this short film here.

This film was screened Friday November 3rd, 2006 at the Indo-American Arts Council’s sixth film festival.

Pria, Twins of Mankala, Davy and Stu, Nina’s Heavenly Delights, 0:0pm, Sirah, 1001 Auditions, My Bollywood Bride.