There’s that line parents give their children: ”It’s not that we’re mad at you, we’re disappointed,” and I think it really sums up my mixed feelings about the chat show (or should I say “cat show”, for all the catty behavior exhibited therein?) that is Koffee With Karan.

Amrita of IndieQuill and Beth of Beth Loves Bollywood invited me to discuss the first half of Season Three with them on their joint venture, Masala Zindabad, which we did here several months back.

As I watched this season, I kept thinking to myself “Karan Johar is such a smart, funny guy who knows a ton about the Hindi film biz (“I’m an industry bachcha” he said on one episode); he’s capable of so much more than just this.”  And the few times that guests like Sajid Khan or Zoya Akhtar stray too far down the let’s-discuss-the-actual-film-biz path, our nattily attired host brings us all back to far more important things like “Deepika or Sonam, the brighter future?” or “The Khan for all seasons – Aamir, Salman, Shahrukh?”

Sure, there are funny and sometimes surprising moments on the show, and some that are actually enlightening about the Hindi film industry, but, in the main, the show turns into something of a high-gloss walk through the cafeteria of a very expensive private high school.

There’s the new kids, desperate to fit in and be accepted, there’s the older kids striking a pose and trying to impress everyone, and then there’s the cliques of kids who’ve known each other since elementary school (or maybe even pre-K), who are somewhat jaded and seem to have their own insider-y language and code of behavior that’s unspoken, but known to those special few.

When the season ended recently and Karan and his team of guests handed out their awards, we concurred that we found the award categories rather bland and decided to do our own on a follow-up podcast, and also touch a little bit on the new show, Simi Garewal’s India’s Most Desireable.

You can hear the awards, end-of-season podcast here, and if you’d like, you can subscribe to the whole series of podcasts on iTunes.

On this episode, you can hear:

Masala Zindabad’s KWK Season 3 awards

The Good

• The guest I’d actually like to meet for a coffee or a drink
• The most pleasantly surprising guest
• The cattiest Rapid Fire Round female and male

The Bad

• The most eye-roll-inducing moment/guest/episode
• The most adolescent behavior

The Ugly

• The guest whose ensemble made me say “What the……” or “What was he/she thinking?”
• The most toe-curling, cringeworthy moment/episode

Our wishes for the future of KWK

• The No. 1 change we wish they’d make to the format of the show
• The guest(s) we wish Karan would have on

During the podcast you’ll also get to hear me bemoan the atrocious outfit that the uber-elegant Amitabh Bachchan was dressed in (how could they do this to him??):

and there’s a little rant about very-beautiful-girls-who-can’t-stop-flicking-and-fussing-with-their-hair-so-you-don’t-take-your-eyes-off-them-for-a-moment.  Case in point:

Then there’s this:

And this:

And also this:

No wait, there’s more:

Still more:

And for anyone who’s wondering, this is the object that I am convinced is a Roomba, sitting there on the de rigeur glass-and-metal Koffee table.  As soon as the director yells “Cut!” on the final take, some stagehand comes out and places it on the floor so it can scoot about vacuuming up any hair that Piggy Chops might have shed during all that incessant primping: